Expert Tips from a Trauma-Informed Divorce Coach & Mediator
Letting go of holiday time with your children—whether for a day, a weekend, or the entire season—can stir grief, guilt, and resentment. As a trauma-informed professional, I’ve guided many parents through this sensitive transition. Here are five therapist-approved strategies to support your emotional health and protect your children’s well-being:
1. Validate Your Emotions—But Don’t Let Them Lead the Conversation
It’s natural to feel sadness, anger, or loss when you’re not with your child during a meaningful holiday. Acknowledge those feelings privately, with a therapist or journal, but avoid projecting them onto your child or co-parent. Your child shouldn’t feel responsible for your grief.
2. Affirm Your Child’s Right to Enjoy Both Homes
Children thrive when they’re given permission—spoken or unspoken—to enjoy time with both parents. Say things like:
“I’ll miss you, and I’m so glad you get to have a fun time with your other parent too.”
This small gesture gives your child emotional freedom and reduces divided loyalty.
3. Create New Rituals for Yourself
When the house is quiet, your calendar is clear, and your heart aches, it’s easy to spiral. Instead, fill the space intentionally:
- Volunteer in your community
- Schedule a solo getaway
- Start a reflective practice (journaling, meditation)
By honoring the time you do have, you model emotional resilience.
4. Avoid Using Time as a Battleground
Trading holidays, changing schedules, or missing time will occasionally happen. What matters is consistency over time. When conflicts arise, ask:
“Is this about what’s fair to me, or what’s best for my child?”
Use professional mediation or parenting coordination when negotiations become too charged.
5. Speak to the Long Game
You are building a legacy of cooperation, maturity, and love. Someday, your child will look back—not just at who gave the best gifts—but at who gave them peace, security, and emotional permission to love both parents.
